


A Little's Enough

by LoveIsGone



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Violence, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 05:29:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7964359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveIsGone/pseuds/LoveIsGone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't much, but neither needed more than that in the moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little's Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This was a strange writing exercise I did that really had no end planned. I just knew that a lot was supposed to be implied. I may decided to write a follow up later on, if I'm able to piece it all together.
> 
> A few corrections have been made since the original posting at AFF.

Seunghyun straightened up from where he was leaning on the railing of the balcony when he heard the glass door, followed by the screen, sliding open. He smiled when Seungri stepped out, the younger man was looking toward the sky and breathing in the night air as if he was trying to escape the loud music and body heat from inside the apartment.

“Hey,” the older man greeted with a smile, placing his cigarette to his lips to take another drag.

“Hey,” Seungri answered, sliding the door closed behind him as he approached the railing, eyes staring out at the skyline. There wasn't a trace of his trademark smile.

Seunghyun was taken aback by the lack of emotion in the younger man’s voice. Usually Seungri’s greetings were bright, full of energy and intensity. Instead, the maknae stood there in the cold night with his hands shoved into his jean pockets, shivering in his too thin t-shirt.

“Where’s your jacket?” the rapper asked, taking one last pull from his cigarette before dropping the butt and stamping it out.

“Couldn’t find it,” Seungri smiled, it looked forced, uncomfortable, like he was hiding something.

“You okay?”

The younger man shrugged.

“What’s wrong?

“I just--”

The glass door sliding open again caught both of their attention, the sounds of the party inside escaped into the open air as several people stepped out, chattering in loud voices. Seunghyun turned back to Seungri, wanting to ask the question again, but the younger man’s interest was already pulled away.

The moment was gone.

The younger man had joined the conversation of the newcomers, his voice energetic and full of life once more. Seunghyun watched, trying to decipher the smile on Seungri’s face, wanting to know if it was genuine or not. He debated lighting another cigarette so he could keep an eye on the other man, but the balcony was getting crowded and he didn't like being backed into the corner of the small space.

Stepping inside, where the warmth of body heat whispered against his face, he wondered what the younger man had wanted to say.

-

Seunghyun was about to leave when he heard the commotion, the shouting from the back hall of the apartment. Curious as to what could be happening to have so many people crowd around such a small area, he made his way back, trying to see past the other guests.

He heard the voices first.

“You think that’s funny?” he could recognize Jiyong’s voice anywhere.

His heart pounded in his chest as he stepped closer, the crowd slowly parting for him as he pushed through. He already had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as to who their leader could be yelling at.

“Say something!” Jiyong’s hands were twisted in the collar of Seungri’s t-shirt, forcefully slamming the younger man against the wall where his head smacked loudly against the solid surface.

“Hey!” Youngbae appeared in a flash, shoving himself between his two friends, “Break it up!”

Anger flashed in Jiyong’s eyes as he lashed out, uncharacteristically livid. He swing a fist at Youngbae, who leap back to get out of the way. He swung a second time, aiming at Seungri, who stood stock still, head snapping to one side when the leader’s fist connected with his cheek. It was in that moment, when Seunghyun realized that their maknae wasn’t going to fight back, that he stepped in, pushing Jiyong forcefully away from the younger man.

“What’re you doing?” the oldest hissed, unable to stop the venom from seeping into his voice. His own anger was building, forcing adrenaline to pump through his veins, hands balling into fists, ready for a fight.

The leader glared, as if he were contemplating his next move. Instead of striking, Jiyong threw his hands up in frustration and walked away, elbowing people out of his path.

“Jesus,” Youngbae was the first to speak, already at Seungri’s side, a hand on the younger man’s chin, holding his head up, trying to inspect the damage.

A bright red mark was already darkening on the maknae's face.

Seunghyun felt useless, unable to do more than ask, “Are you okay?”

But Seungri didn’t answer. He just stood there silently, back pressed firmly against the wall, staring ahead as the crowd around them began to disburse, letting Youngbae fuss over him.

-

Seunghyun didn't know how, but Seungri ended up at his apartment, even though it was late and all he wanted to do was fall into bed.

The two of them sat on the couch, in the dark, watching a show on the TV. The glow of the screen illuminated their faces and he could almost see a ghost of a smile on the younger man's lips when something funny happened in the show. In the eerie light, he could also see the dark bruise that was blossoming on the maknae's cheek, swollen and unsightly against his pale features.

"You're not okay, are you?" it wasn't really a question, more of a statement, but Seunghyun had to get it out there.

"I guess not," Seungri said, his eyes never leaving the screen.

"Will you, at least, tell me what's going on?" the older man raked a hand through his hair, uncertain of how to proceed from this point on.

He hadn't seen Jiyong so angry - practically raging- in years. The fact that the fury of their leader was directed at the maknae made the situation all the worse. He thought they were all so close, at this point in their careers that the outburst seriously bewildered him.

It didn't make sense all all. It seemed so out of nowhere.

"It's complicated," the younger man answered.

"Seungri," the rapper tried again to draw out something more, something he could use to lead the conversation.

"Can we not?" it was a demand, firm and unrelenting. Seunghyun almost flinched when he saw the way the maknae's eyes were focused on him. But then those eyes softened, glimmering with an emotion he couldn't identify, "It's been a rough night, hyung."

That gave him pause, "Okay."

-

"You're a liar!"

Seunghyun blinked several times in the darkness, feeling his heavy, tired limbs protest against his movements. He pushed himself up onto one elbow, looking around the dark room as he tried to blink the sleep from his eyes, realizing he had dozed off on the couch. The television was off, but he could hear a hushed, angry voice speaking.

"Why would you say that?"

_Seungri?_ He sat up further, trying to determine how long he had been sleeping as he strained to pick up more of the conversation. But all he could hear was the rain pounding against his windows, an absolute downpour outside.

"Don't hang up on me! Don't yo-"

"Seungri?" he called out as he got to his feet, unable to stay still any longer listening to the tone of the dialogue. It was obviously an argument. He saw the younger man step out of the bathroom, but couldn't see his face, "Everything okay?"

"I should go," the maknae's voice was soft, raspy, as if the sound was caught in his throat.

"You should stay," Seunghyun said, without thinking, "It's raining out."

But Seungri only shook his head, rushing out the door before the older man could protest.

-

"Is Seungri with you?"

"No. Why?" Seunghyun couldn't help the unease that bubbled up in the pit of his stomach.

It had been a week since his encounter with Seungri. He certainly hadn't expected Youngbae to be the one calling to ask about their youngest. He had always been terrible at keeping tabs on their maknae.

"He was supposed to meet me today," the younger man answered, concern could clearly be heard in his voice, "He just never showed up."

"Try Jiyong? He may know," Despite the fight, Jiyong was still their leader and would likely have a better idea of where their maknae was more than any of them.

Youngbae made a noise on the other end of the line, something Seunghyun couldn't interpret over the phone, "I'll try Daesung. Later, hyung."

The rapper stared at his phone for a long moment, uncertain if he had missed something along the way during that conversation. Something seemed really off and he couldn't put his finger on what it was.

-

Seungri showed up on time for an interview they had been scheduled for and Seunghyun immediately felt those previous feelings of dread drain from his body when he saw the younger man's face. But the relief was short lived when he saw how exhausted the maknae looked, dark eye circles so prominent that the makeup artist was complaining the entire time about how hard they were to cover up.

"Sorry, noona," Seungri kept apologizing, giving a weary, lopsided smile.

And Seunghyun wondered what could be sucking the life out of their maknae.

-

The interview went well, all of them were themselves in front of the camera, but Seunghyun couldn't help but notice the way Jiyong's eyes narrowed or how the leader huffed, nostrils flaring, when their maknae would take charge of the questions or do something to lighten the mood.

The set was filled with laughter, but Jiyong's eyes were ice cold daggers.

"Why do you always say such useless things?" the leader cornered Seungri when they finally made their way back to the dressing area.

"Stop," Youngbae didn't hesitate to speak up, a hand placed firmly on Jiyong's shoulder, trying to pull him back, "Not now."

"He needs to grow up and stop being an embarrassment."

"Hyung!" Daesung sounded scandalized, gaze darting to where Seungri stood.

The youngest was silent, staring down at his shoes. Seunghyun could see the way the maknae's hands curled into fists, shoulders trembling. He wanted to step in, defend their youngest, but he was pinned in place by his discomfort over the whole scene unfolding in front of him.

"Whatever," Jiyong breathed, shaking off Youngbae's hold on him. Before stalking away he threw Seungri one more scathing look, "Absolutely worthless."

Seunghyun had never felt a stronger urge to punch someone in the face.

-

They all waited anxiously for Seungri at their photo shoot location. No one could reach him. Every call went straight to voicemail. They even tried calling the maknae's manager, but it was the same story.

No one would answer their calls.

It was unnerving.

Seunghyun watched Jiyong, who was pacing. The leader was gnawing at his thumbnail, a nervous habit that came out when his anxiety levels were high. The older man felt a sense of satisfaction at the sight, unable to feel anything else given the way Jiyong had acted the day before . _You had better worry after everything you said to him yesterday._

After more than an hour of waiting, they decided to do their individual shoots first. They told the staff that Seungri could start when - if - he made his appearance soon.

All of them noticed how empty the entire set felt as they got into place, even if no one spoke of the fact. The vast amounts of space felt suffocating without their maknae there to ease back the silence and fill the void with his presence.

During his time in front of the camera, Seunghyun would occasionally look toward the door, hoping to catch a glimpse of Seungri walking in with an apologetic look on his face for his tardiness.

But the youngest never showed.

-

**Emergency meeting. 9AM sharp.**

Seunghyun stared at the message on his phone, unable to fathom why Yang Hyunsuk would be texting them in the middle of the night. As far as he knew, none of them had done anything wrong.

It caused a feeling of dread to settle low in his stomach, making it hard for him to sleep.

-

"What's he done now?" Jiyong was the first to speak, noticing that the only person missing was Seungri. His voice was full of irritation.

But then Hyunsuk was shooting the leader a sharp look, making them all fall silent. Seunghyun couldn't help but feel pleased at the way Jiyong deflated under that harsh gaze. The leader knew he shouldn't have spoken so hastily when those eyes landed on him. The delight the rapper felt in taking in that small scene almost made him smile inappropriately.

The office was silent for several long moments.

"Seungri's been hospitalized," the director's words hung in the air. It took a moment for them to sink in as the group members all looked at one another in alarm. Seunghyun noticed how all their gazes lingered on Jiyong for a moment longer than they should have. "We'll be releasing a statement and putting group activities on hold for a while."

"How long's a while?" the leader asked, his tone far more timid, but the annoyance was still there.

"As long as it takes," the firm tone in which those words were spoken left no room for argument.

When no one else spoke, Seunghyun cleared his throat and took a tentative step forward, "What happened?"

"I think it's better if he tells you himself," the director said, his features softening, suddenly looking tired, "It's better that way."

-

Seunghyun wasn't ready for the shock when the nurse from the front desk led him to the area of the hospital that looked after psychiatric patients. He almost made the nurse stop when they went through the double doors into the ward, wanting to tell her that she must have made some sort of mistake.

But then he was being led to a private room where Seungri's familiar figure was sitting on the bed, eyes focused on the television mounted on the wall. The older man thanked the nurse and slowly stepped into the room, stopping in his tracks when the younger man's red rimmed eyes turned to him.

"Hyung?" Seungri's voice was small and soft, so child-like that Seunghyun wanted to rush forward and pull the maknae into a tight embrace. He held himself back, still not knowing what territory he was in.

"Hey," the rapper greeted, trying to smile, but the corners of his mouth refused to cooperate.

The younger man shifted, pushing himself up higher on the bed. That was when Seunghyun saw the bandages spanning down Seungri's left arm, from his elbow down to his wrist. He must have stared because seconds later, the younger man started to pull up the bed sheet to cover himself, looking embarrassed.

"Seungri," Seunghyun breathed, his chest tightening at the sight before him.

The younger man bit his lip, eyes averted, "Are you disappointed?"

"Why would I ever be disappointed in you?"

"Because I can't do anything right."

Understanding clicked with those words and he could no longer keep himself from taking long strides to Seungri's side. He pulled the younger man to him, hugging him tight, surprising the maknae, who stiffened momentarily in his arms before relaxing into the hold.

"I'm sorry," Seungri breathed, his head resting on the older man's shoulder.

"Don't say that," Seunghyun held on tighter, "Just don't."

-

"This is your fault!" Seunghyun found a strange delight in the way Jiyong flinched away from him. He had never been one to raise his voice, but the anger that was building inside was too much to take. He grabbed the younger man by the collar, shaking him, as if it would knock some sense into their leader, "What's wrong with you?"

"He already had issues," Jiyong retorted, though there wasn't much fight in his voice. He couldn't meet the taller man's eyes, gaze fixed on the ground.

"That's not an excuse," the older man shoved the leader away, disgusted with the disinterest in the younger man's voice.

"His head was always a little screwed up."

"So what? That just means you took advantage of that for your _own_ screwed up agenda!"

"I didn't know he'd do that," The next words out of Jiyong's mouth were hardly louder than a whisper, "I just - I just wanted him to stop."

"Stop what?"

"Loving me."

And just like that several pieces of the puzzle started to fall together in Seunghyun's mind. The argument, the sadness and awkwardness, the endless streams of insults, daggers and sharp barbs coming from Jiyong's mouth at every turn.

Jiyong was trying to push Seungri away in the only way he knew how. By hurting Seungri.

Just like how he had hurt all his other exes.

"You're literally the _worst_ person I've ever known," Seunghyun had to close his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose to try and keep the headache he was developing at bay.

"It's not my fault," Jiyong's eyes were averted, words holding no conviction.

"Shut up."

The rapper stormed out, unable to look at his friend any longer, fearing if he stayed for another second he would do more than just yell and shove.

-

"He's really quiet these days," Daesung said, picking at the salad he had ordered, "I can hardly get more than a few words out of him at a time."

"Mmm," Seunghyun agreed.

"I miss his smile," the younger man's voice was filled with grief, "I really miss his laugh."

Seunghyun does too - miss those things - because he often, perhaps too often, visited Seungri, hoping to catch a glimpse of the energizer they were all so used to. But usually the maknae just looked tired, worn out and distant, so silent that it was as if he were a ghost in his own home.

"I wish he would just talk to us," Daesung's lips were set in a frown, glaring at his food like it had offended him.

"That's what his therapist is for."

"Do you think it's really helping?"

"I don't know."

-

When Seungri laughed for the first time in weeks, Seunghyun felt his heart flutter in his chest like a caged bird. Despite the fact that the younger man was laughing because the rapper had managed to smack his head against one of the cabinet doors he had left open in his search for plates, the sound, so sweet and sorely missed, made his chest swell with a mix of happiness and relief.

The younger man was covering his mouth, stifling the soft laugh as he leaned against the surface of the dining room table, a familiar spark in his eyes.

Seunghyun took it upon himself to exaggerate his movements just a little more, rubbing his head and wincing, "Ow!"

"Hyung, are you alright?" the maknae asked, his words caught in his laugher.

"Your cabinets are too low!" the older man couldn't contain his own laugher, though the spot on the top of his head sure did sting from the impact.

"Or maybe you're just too tall," Seungri approached him, looking like a child dressed in his too big sweatshirt. The younger man made the rapper lean down, inspecting his head, the maknae's too long sleeves brushing against his face. Seungri giggled, a soft, beautiful sound, fingers gently probing the smarting spot on Seunghyun's head, "You're fine."

"Whatever," Seunghyun gave the younger man a playful shove.

The maknae shook his head, giggling behind his hand, "Bingu."

And he had never been more happy to hear that nickname.

-

"So, you and Jiyong," Seunghyun tried to pick his words carefully, shifting his attention away from the cheesy movie they were watching to look at Seungri.

"Don't," the younger man said.

Their eyes met and Seunghyun couldn't deny the hurt that he saw. A part of him wanted to keep speaking, to ask all the questions he's had pent up since this whole scenario started to play out, but then Seungri was leaning closer. Without prompt, the older man lifted his arm and slung it over the maknae's shoulder, pulling him in close.

Seunghyun tried to pull his focus back on the screen, but all he could feel was the heat of Seungri's body against his, comfortable and warm. His heart raced in his chest at the contact because it felt intimate.

It felt, almost, romantic.

-

It was starting to become a habit for Seunghyun to show up at Seungri's place with take out and a movie in hand. He often searched for comedies to watch, hoping to catch Seungri laughing or giggling. Even a glimpse of a smile was enough.

"Why do you visit me so much?" Seungri asked one day, looking up from his position on Seunghyun's lap. The maknae had gotten into a comfortable routine of being close to the older man, more often than not resting himself against the rapper while they watched whatever was on the television.

"What'd you mean?" Seunghyun asked, pressing pause, not wanting to miss the next scene of the movie.

"You know what I mean, hyung."

"I like spending time with you."

"That's all?"

"That's all."

"Really?" there was a hint of suspicion on Seungri's voice.

"What's this about?"

The younger man pushed himself up, scooting further away from the couch. Seunghyun instinctively wanted to reach out and pull the maknae back into his embrace, but kept his arms at his side, knowing now was not the time to react in that manner.

Seungri bit his lip, worrying the soft flesh for a moment, "You're not just here to..."

"To what?" the older man couldn't fathom what the maknae was trying to say.

"To make sure I don't do anything stupid?"

"Seungri," Seunghyun reached out then, pulling the younger man to him, holding him in a tight hug, "Why would you think that?"

"That's what he used to do." Hands grasped the fabric of the rapper's sweatshirt as the younger man took a shuddering breath, "Because I'm not stable."

Seunghyun didn't have to ask to know who _he_ was. He simply tightened his hold on Seungri, wondering how hard it would be to make a violent act look accidental.

"When did that start?" the older man asked, gently carding his hand through Seungri's hair.

"A long time ago."

"How did you manage to hide it from us?"

"I'm a good actor," Seungri laughed, humorless.

"Don't do that," Seunghyun placed his hands on either side of the younger man's face to look into his eyes, "Please, don't do that."

The younger man's eyes searched his, brows furrowed, "Do what?"

"Pretend like it's okay. Because it's not."

"Hyung."

Unable to stop himself, Seunghyun leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Seungri's forehead. When he pulled back, he could see the younger man's cheeks were flushed, a steadily brightening pink.

"No more pretending," the older man breathed.

And Seungri smiled shyly, eyes alight with a familiar fire, "Okay."

-

Seunghyun isn't sure how he got convinced to attend a party in a club that was far too loud and filled with people for his liking. Perhaps it was the way Seungri asked, after weeks of staying in, or the way the younger man's eyes lit up when he agreed. Whatever it was, he found himself regretting the decision as he sat in a far corner, in a plush booth, trying to figure out a tactful way of leaving.

"Do you want to go?" Seungri was at his side, leaning in close to shout the question in his ear.

He could only nod, putting down his glass of water.

The younger man held up his hand, "Wait a minute, bathroom first."

So he waited, watching the throng of people dancing, mulling about, talking with friends. As his eyes scanned the crowd, a flash of brightly colored hair caught his attention. His attention was immediately drawn to it because of how familiar it felt. Standing to get a better view, Seunghyun's breath caught in his throat.

It was Jiyong.

Jiyong who was heading towards the restrooms and likely to run into Seungri.

_Damn_ , the rapper cursed as he pushed his way through the crowd. He didn't know what would happen if the two met, but he certainly didn't want to find out. _Damn. Damn. Damn!_

His progress was slowed by familiar faces greeting him, wanting to pull him aside to talk. He hated to be rude, but he brushed them all off, his mind set only on one destination. He headed down a darkened hall, where the signs all pointed toward the restrooms. The music was less deafening there and he could already hear voices, angry voices.

"Get away from me!"

Seunghyun turned the corner just in time to see Seungri push Jiyong, the shorter man's back colliding firmly with the wall in the cramped space. The leader immediately struck back, pressing his body against the younger man's, forearm tucked under the maknae's chin, pressing against his throat.

Seunghyun felt as if time stopped, watching as Jiyong forced his lips on Seungri. He could practically hear the sound of protest that rose from the maknae's throat.

"Hey!" the rapper reached out, yanking the leader away from Seungri, "Get off him!"

Jiyong's eyes were wide with surprise when he turned to face the older man, but they immediately narrowed, hands coming up to shove at the taller man's chest, "Stay out of this!"

Seunghyun could smell, very acutely, the alcohol on the leader's breath. His hands curled into fists of their own accord and he boldly took a step forward, feeling the adrenalin pump in his veins, ready to bash in Jiyong's face.

"Stop!" Seungri shouted, shoving himself between the two older men, hands forcefully pushing Jiyong as hard as he could, "You're drunk!"

"Seungri!" the leader exclaimed, hands reaching for the maknae.

"No," the younger man stepped away, his back pressing against Seunghyun's chest as he did so. The rapper felt a shiver travel down his spine at the contact, "You can't do this to me anymore, hyung."

The formality in Seungri's voice made Jiyong freeze.

"We're done," the maknae said, grabbing Seunghyun's hand, pulling the taller man away from the corridor.

Seunghyun could hear Jiyong calling out to Seungri, but the younger man kept tugging him along, back to the dance floor and all the way toward the door, practically sprinting away from the place.

-

"Youngbae knew," Seunghyun couldn't believe how long it took him to notice, the revelation making him feel a sense of discontent at just how out of the loop he had been all this time. "Did Daesung know?"

Seungri, who was pressed as far into the corner of his bed as he could get, legs drawn up, arms hugging his knees, shook his head, "He didn't know."

"How long?"

"A long time."

"Seungri."

The younger man took a deep breath, his face practically buried in his arms, "Practically since the beginning. We called it official a couple of years ago."

"You guys weren't just fooling around all that time?"

The maknae laughed then, "Hyung, did you really not notice?"

"I can be pretty dense."

"I can see that."

"So, what happened?" Seunghyun could already see the wheels turning in Seungri's head, knowing the younger man was about to deflect, stop the conversation in it's tracks. So, he sat on the bed, scooting as close as he could to the maknae, their shoulders touching, "Please, let me in."

Seungri's body relaxed a little then, placing his head on the rapper's shoulder, "I don't know what to tell you."

"Why's Jiyong acting like this toward you?" the older man couldn't stop the way his arm automatically went to wrap around the makane's shoulder.

"It's always like this. One moment he's hot and the next he's cold."

"It's happened more than once?"

"It's the same each time, but..." Seungri took in a shaky breath, his voice wavering, "He's never been this cruel."

As much as Seunghyun wanted to seek more answers, the way the younger man was clinging to him, eyes watering, he knew better than to continue. He rubbed his hand soothingly over the maknae's back. He hadn't seen Seungri cry in such an open way for years.

The sight absolutely broke his heart.

"Please stay?" Seungri asked, his red rimmed eyes looking up at the older man.

The maknae looked so young in that moment. So vulnerable.

Seunghyun couldn't find it in himself to refuse.

-

Seunghyun couldn't sleep.

He had his arms wrapped around Seungri's waist, the younger man's back pressed against his chest. He was comfortable, warm, listening to the even sound of the younger man's breathing in the darkness of the room. But sleep was eluding him.

He knew he should close his eyes, try to catch some shut eye, but his heart was fluttering in his chest and a strange feeling of butterflies in his stomach made him feel uneasy.

_It's just cause of all the time we've been spending together_ , he told himself. He tried to slowly slide his arm out from under Seungri, but the younger man only shifted closer in his sleep, making a sound of dissatisfaction. And Seunghyun couldn't help but tighten his hold on the maknae, feeling himself flush at the action.

He felt like a teenager holding his girlfriend for the first time.

-

"Thank you."

"For what?" Seunghyun looked up from his tea, looking at Seungri who sat across the table from him.

The younger man was smiling, bigger than he had in ages, "For putting up with me."

"Don't say it like that."

"Why not?"

"Cause I enjoy my time with you."

Seungri's smile only got wider, his eyes bright and lively, "I enjoy my time with you too."

Out of courage, or perhaps necessity, Seunghyun reached his hand across the table, tentatively placing his fingers on top of the younger man's hand. The warmth he felt, the tingle of sparks that traveled through him made him hold his breath. When the maknae didn't pull away, instead turning his hand palm up, Seunghyun felt his own smile spreading across his features.

They sat there, sipping their drinks, holding hands.

It wasn't much, but neither needed more than that in the moment.

And that was alright.

-

"Do you think I'm dumb?" Seungri asked one night, looking up from his phone at Seunghyun who was at the dining table, reading through a script.

"Why would you ask that?" the older man asked, eyeing the younger man over the rim of his glasses.

Seungri shrugged, his attention drawn back to his phone.

Seunghyun sighed, pulling off his glasses and setting them down on the table next to the script. He approached the maknae and took a seat next to the younger man, their shoulders touching. For a moment, he glanced at Seungri's phone, watching the other man scroll through various pictures on social media.

The rapper nudged the younger man playfully, but got no response.

He tried again and the maknae grunted, shrinking into himself, his sweatshirt looking like it would swallow him whole at any moment.

The older man sighed. He knew he shouldn't push, knowing that the younger man had a hard time expressing himself with recent events, but the person in front of him was so closed off, so different from the outgoing energetic man he used to know, that it was hard for him to accept. He had never known Seungri to hide his feelings. The maknae used to wear his heart on his sleeve. There never used to be a question of what he felt.

Seunghyun hated how hard it was to even get the younger man to talk these days, but knew he had to be kind and patient despite it all, "Please, say something."

Seungri bit his lip as he lowered the phone, still refusing to meet Seunghyun's eyes, "I just..."

The younger man fiddled with the left sleeve of his sweatshirt, tugging at the cuff nervously. Seunghyun reached for the maknae's wrist, causing Seungri to flinch, jolting back, hitting the couch cushions hard enough to shift the entire seat.

"Hey, hey," the older man's voice was hushed, low as he reached out once more, fingertips grazing along the soft material of the younger man's sleeve, "It's okay."

Seungri flushed at the close contact, but he slowly extended his arm, allowing Seunghyun to pull up the sleeve, revealing the healing scar that spanned the length of his forearm, a slash drawn from the crock of his elbow down to his wrist.

The doctors had been careful, pulling in a plastic surgeon to do the stitches as to minimize scarring. It was an ugly reminder of the dark place Seungri went and the younger man was ashamed of it. Seunghyun had noticed the way the maknae was always wearing long sleeves, even when he climbed into bed.

"Hyung," Seungri tried to pull his hand back, but the older man refused to let go.

As jarring as the bold red line was against pale skin, Seunghyun couldn't help but to find it fascinating, beautiful, _because_ it was a part of Seungri. The rapper gently ran his thumb over the maknae's wrist, trailing over the raised scar.

"Hyung..." the word trembled from the younger man's mouth, flinching though the touch didn't hurt.

He didn't know why, but Seunghyun took Seungri's arm and raised it to his lips, pressing a small kiss to the fading scar. He could feel the younger man's pulse and the shiver that traveled through the maknae's entire frame at the action. He leaned in, slow, cautious, their faces so close he could feel Seungri's quickened breathing against his lips. He felt like they stayed that way for hours, allowing him to take in all the features of Seungri's face as his heart raced in his chest.

The older man's hand moved to the maknae's face, palm pressed against the glowing warmth that was Seungri's blushing cheek.

"Is it okay?" the rapper asked, gazing into those soft brown eyes that stared back at him.

Seungri responded by wrapping his arms around Seunghyun's neck, closing the distance between them.

Their lips met in a chaste kiss, tender, slow and lingering. The older man's free hand fell to the maknae's waist, pulling the younger man closer. Seunghyun swiped his tongue over Seungri's lips and with a soft moan, the younger man opened up, allowing the older man to deepen the kiss.

Lips attached, they shifted until they were laying on the couch, Seungri beneath Seunghyun, their legs intertwined. The younger man's fingers tangled in the rappers hair, gently tugging, causing Seunghyun to feel a jolt of pleasure shoot through him. He could feel himself becoming aroused and if the younger man's hips moving against his was any indication, Seungri was as well.

Seunghyun pulled back, drawing air into his lungs, feeling heated all over. When he spoke, the word barely made it out of his mouth, "Wait."

Seungri looked up at him questioningly, panting to catch his breath, cheeks pink and lips red.

"We should slow down," the rapper breathed.

The younger man smiled, eyes shining was a familiar mischievous spark, "Okay."

Then their lips were on one another once more, meeting like familiar lovers moving together in a gentle embrace.

-

Seunghyun laid on the couch, holding a sleeping Seungri, carding his fingers, lazily, through the younger man's hair, as he stared out into the darkness of the room. He licked his sore, swollen lips, trying to sort out all of the feelings that had been racing through his mind.

A part of him knew all along that he liked Seungri, but the revelation of just how much was a heavy weight on him. The fact that the younger man and Jiyong had been - _still were?_ \- an item made things complicated. The leader was one of his best friends, despite being a jerk over the past few weeks, and the prospect of liking - really liking - someone that Jiyong had feelings for, made him pause. It could stir up more drama than what they were already faced with and he was never a fan of drama.

Seungri groaned in his sleep, shifting to burying his face deeper into Seunghyun's chest. The contact of their bodies, so close, made him feel warm all over. It made his mind go fuzzy as he looked down at the younger man.

He kissed the maknae's forehead, unable to stop himself.

_What am I going to do?_

-

His new filming schedule was going to be grueling. Worst of all, Seunghyun knew it would take him away from Seungri for long stretches of time. He hadn't disclosed those feelings of unrest and dread to the younger man, aside from making his presence more persistent as his appointments drew closer.

Something about the way his schedule was lined up made him feel caged. There was little rest in-between each segment, sometimes almost an entire week was blocked out as they tried to set up rehearsals and location shots. Every moment of his life would be dominated by the movie, scripts, lines, coworkers, and directors.

It felt suffocating.

-

"I'll be right here," Seungri had told him with a bright smile on the day Seunghyun finally left for the longest stint of his schedule. When he saw that smile, he almost didn't want to leave, but the maknae was already pushing him out the door, openly teasing him for being so attached.

Often, when he found the time, he would send a text to Seungri, just something quick. Usually to wish him good morning or good night, to inquire as to whether the maknae was eating, taking care of himself in the elder's absence. The younger man would always respond with something cute, sometimes including a picture.

Though they were in touch more often, it was as if nothing had ever happened between them.

As much as Seunghyun liked what was happening and how their relationship was evolving, he was still questioning everything they did together. They had never confirmed what they were to each other. Sure, they kissed - that one time - and laid with each other for long stretches of time, simply holding one another, but they were all fleeting moments that neither spoke of.

It was all innocent, like school children dating for the first time.

But the question was never asked of what they were.

Seunghyun didn't even know if it was really over between Jiyong and Seungri.

He didn't even know if there were any real feelings between _himself and Seungri_.

Yet, despite the questions hanging over his head, he would still take time to text and call Seungri, feeling warmth spread all through him when the younger man answered and greeted him with enthusiasm.

-

"Jiyong's been calling me," Seungri said over the phone, one day.

That made Seunghyun sit up straighter in his hotel bed. He could practically hear the maknae worrying his lower lip, "Everything okay?"

"I don't know."

"Are _you_ okay?"

"I'm not sure."

"Please talk to me."

He could hear the younger man draw a shaky breath, "I should go, hyung."

" _Seungri._ "

The line went dead and Seunghyun pulled his phone away from his ear, staring at it for several long moments. He wanted to call back, fingers already instinctually moving to the redial button, but knew that it wasn't the right thing to do. He didn't know what state of mind Seungri was in.

He didn't know what state of mind _Jiyong_ was in and that was what worried him the most.

Raking a hand through his hair, he scrolled through his phone, looking at his schedule. He'd be able to leave the set by late noon and would have several days to himself before he'd have to get back on location for the final scenes. He hoped it would be enough time to sort things out before the film pulled him back in.

In the meantime, he called Youngbae, who picked up on the first ring.

"Please do me a favor," Seunghyun said before the other man could get a word in.

"Hyung, what is it?"

"Check on Seungri."

"Is everything okay?" Youngbae's voice was immediately filled with concern at the mention of the maknae's name.

"I don't know. Jiyong's been calling him."

"Damn it," the younger man's concern turned to annoyance in an instant. Seunghyun could practically feel it vibrate through him with just those two words.

"I'll be back sometime tomorrow. Just, please, check in on him and see if he's okay."

"I'll take care of it, hyung."

Seunghyun should have been relieved, but the tone Youngbae was using made him think something similar had happened previously. And he wasn't sure if he wanted to know what the results were.

-

**Where are you?**

Seunghyun stared at the text for a long moment, rubbing his eyes.

His flight was delayed by a couple of hours because of bad weather conditions. He fretted the entire time, his body a giant ball of anxiety. He bothered his manager so much that they grabbed the first car they could find upon landing. Only when they were setting out toward Seungri's apartment did he start to feel himself become calmer, steadier.

**On my way to Seungri's.** He answered Youngbae's text.

He watched his phone as it indicated that the other man was typing, heart racing in his chest when his sleep deprived brain finally started to realize that he could be receiving bad news.

**Come to my place. He's here.**

_That can't be good,_ Seunghyun thought as he sent his response: **What happened?**

**I'll explain when you get here.**

And that was all he got.

With an exasperated sigh, he got the attention of the driver.

-

Youngbae was waiting for him outside of the building, a baseball cap pulled low.

Seunghyun knew it couldn't have been anything good when he approached and the younger man was already trying to slow his pace.

"You need to promise to not do anything stupid," Youngbae said, hand on the rapper's chest, stopping him from proceeding into the lobby.

Seunghyun tensed at those words, his unease rising with every moment, "What's going on?"

"Promise."

"I can't promise anything, _unless_ you tell me what's going on."

The younger man sighed, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. Looking around for a moment, checking to see if the coast was clear, he gestured for Seunghyun to follow him and they started to make their way through the lobby, toward the elevators.

As they waited, Youngbae's voice was hushed, practically a whisper, "He's in rough shape."

-

Seunghyun inhaled sharply when he saw Seungri, freezing in his tracks at the doorway of the guest bedroom.

The maknae was asleep, blankets partially kicked off, perhaps from tossing and turning or the warmth of the room. Even in the glow of the invading hall light, the older man could see why Youngbae had to warn him to not do anything stupid. The sight made his blood run cold in his veins, his hands automatically balling into fists.

Seungri's face was decorated with dark bruises. His left eye looked so swollen, Seunghyun wasn't sure if the younger man would be able to open it when he woke. The maknae's lower lip was split as well. And as Seunghyun approached the bed, he could make out the finger shaped bruises around the younger man’s neck, blooming over unmarred skin like a stain. The rest of the younger man was covered by clothing and wrinkled sheets, but if what he saw was any indication, there was bound to be more damage.

He desperately wanted to reach out and touch Seungri, but didn’t  want to risk waking the maknae. Instead, Seunghyun retreated from the guestroom, out to the hall, where Youngbae stood, silently waiting. The older man carefully closed the door, making as little noise as possible.

“Jiyong did that,” the rapper stated, voice far calmer than he had thought it would be.

The younger man nodded, “He got it pretty bad too.”

“Seungri fought back?” Seunghyun couldn’t help but feel a bit shocked at the revelation.

“Surprised me too,” the dancer answered, a small smirk gracing his lips, “I’m proud of him.”

Several long beats passed between them as Seunghyun tried to process the information and search for the right words to say. He had so many things to ask, so many thoughts swirling in his mind that he didn’t know where to start. The younger man, as if sensing the rapper’s indecision, gestured for them to head toward the living room.

“Jiyong had a key to his apartment,” Youngbae started, his voice hushed. He took a seat on one of the recliners, pulling of his baseball cap to run a hand through his matted hair, “When I got there, they were already fighting.”

“He let himself in?”

“I’m not sure if that’s the case or if he forced his way in after Seungri opened the door.”

“God damn it.”

“You can say that again.”

“If anyone heard or saw…”

“I don’t know. I’m just bracing myself right now.”

“For what?”

“I don't know. The fall out?”

-

When Seungri woke, he refused to talk, but didn't shrink away from Seunghyun when the older man sat next to him and put an arm around the maknae's shoulder. The younger man didn't move, instead pressing himself closer to the rapper, fingers clinging to the older man's clothers, gripping the fabric so tight his knuckles turned white.

"You can't go home," Seunghyun said, stroking the maknae's hair. He looked at the younger man, eyes tracing over the ugly marks on Seungri's face. He raised his hand to the younger man's neck, fingertips grazing the bruises there. Seungri made a noise of discomfort at the contact and it made the older man's heart ache in his chest, "You should come stay with me."

Seungri looked up at the rapper then, expression unreadable, just staring for several long moments. He shook his head.

"Why not?" Seunghyun asked, unable to ignore the sense of hurt he felt at that answer.

The younger man shook his head once more.

"Seungri, why?"

The maknae licked his lips, mouth opening and closing a couple of times before he finally rasped out, "Burden."

Seungri's voice was a wreak, cracking and unsteady. Seunghyun felt his anger rise once more when he realized the younger man was wincing just from speaking that one simple word. _If his throat is injured..._

"You're not a burden," the older man said, "Don't you ever dare think you're one."

-

"Leave!"

Seunghyun peeked out from Youngbae's guest room, holding his hand up behind him to make sure Seungri didn't follow. The younger man was still seated on the bed, his gaze shifting around the room anxiously.

"You're not allowed to do this, Jiyong!" Youngbae's voice was fire and venom.

There was a loud _bang_ , which set Seunghyun into action, practically sprinting toward the doorway to where the younger man was confronting their leader.

Jiyong had wedged himself in the opening of the door, not allowing Youngbae to shut it on him. He was reaching through, trying to get by. Despite the fact that the dancer was shorter than their leader, he was still bulkier and a firm hand held Jiyong at bay.

"I just want to talk to him," the leader pleaded.

Seunghyun noticed how right Youngbae had been about the state Jiyong was in. Seungri had fought back against the leader and the maknae had fought _hard_. The right side of Jiyong's face was red and swollen. There was an obvious bruise that traveled completely down the side of the leader's jaw. Jiyong's wrists were bruised as well, his forearms littered with scratches and crescent shaped marks.

"You lost that privilege," Seunghyun's voice was a deep bass, filled with ice.

Those words made the leader stop pushing against Youngbae, head snapping up to glare at the oldest. Jiyong's lip curled up in a snarl, "You don't get a say in this."

"Leave now, Jiyong. I mean it," Youngbae insisted, hand twisting in the fabric of the other man's shirt, trying to shove him back out the door.

"So you're abandoning me?" the leader asked, pressing himself as close to the other man as possible, their foreheads almost touching.

Youngbae forcefully shoved Jiyong away, making him collide with the doorframe, "Don't you try and pull that with me!"

Seunghyun strode forward and shoved the leader out, slamming the door shut before Jiyong could recover. The two men stood at the door, listening to the sound of their friend pounding on the door, not a single word uttered, just the sound of his fists hitting the solid surface.

-

Seunghyun managed to get Seungri situated in his villa, allowing the maknae to take one of the larger guest rooms. The younger man, though looking better with each passing day, the bruises fading and wounds healing, often didn't leave his room. When he did, he looked like he was in a daze, sometimes staring off into space for long hours before coming to his senses.

The older man hated how every piece of Seungri was being stripped away.

Once the maknae would laugh at the drop of a hat.

Not long ago, Seungri would be the one joking around and making stupid faces.

He used to smile and now Seunghyun was afraid he would never see that happiness again.

It seemed it had been so long since Seungri spoke that Seunghyun was afraid he'd forget that voice.

-

"Thank you," Seungri said one night, curled up on the couch next to Seunghyun.

They were watching a movie, but neither were focusing on what was happening on the screen. The rapper couldn't help but notice how raspy and soft the younger man's voice still was.

"What for?" the older man asked.

"Everything."

The sounds of the movie surrounded them once more, filling the comfortable silence they slipped into. Seunghyun looked down when he felt Seungri's hand grasp his own, interlacing their fingers. That hold, so gentle, so familiar, made him feel warm all over.

Before he could think, the maknae leaned in, soft lips touching his cheek. Seunghyun turned and their eyes met. He could see Seungri smiling that smile he had been missing for days on end. Even with the fading bruises and scabbed up marks, the younger man looked beautiful - handsome - absolutely vibrant.

Their lips met like lovers, long missing one another, and Seunghyun wrapped his arms around Seungri, pulling the younger man close, pressing their bodies together. The maknae sighed into the kiss, tongue swiping over the older man's lips, asking for permission to go further.

And Seunghyun let him.

Seunghyun let Seungri lead, allowing the younger man to climb on top of him, straddling him.

Deft fingers tangled his hair, tugging gently, pulling moans from his throat. He sucked on Seungri's tongue, hands pushing up the light fabric of the younger man's sweatshirt. His palms pressed against the warm skin of the maknae's torso, nails leaving a trail as he raked them down the younger man's sides.

Seungri pulled back, head dropping, face buried in Seunghyun's neck, gasping at the sensation. Then teeth were nipping at the older man's collar and his hips automatically bucked upward, drawing out the sweetest sound he had ever heard from Seungri's mouth. He grunted, the sound low in his throat, when the younger man ground down, their groins rubbing.

"Seunghyun," the maknae breathed, his forehead pressed against the older's. A shiver traveled down the rapper's spine at the sound of his name wrapped in that voice so filled with need and lust.

Seunghyun placed his hands on either side of Seungri's face, kissing those lips once more before pulling back, catching his breath, "Slow down, Seungri."

And the maknae laughed, beautiful and musical.

-

"Do you like me?" Seungri asked.

Seunghyun's fingers were stroking the strip of skin the younger man's hiked up sweatshirt exposed. The maknae's lips were pressing into his neck, sending shivers down his spine.

"More than you know," the older man answered.

"I like you too," the younger man said, hugging the rapper tighter, as if they could become one just by being close.

Seunghyun shifted and looked at Seungri, catching the other man's attention, "What about Jiyong?"

"I don't want to think about him."

And then the maknae's lips were on him once more. Though Seunghyun knew they weren't going to push their limits tonight - because he wouldn't allow it - he allowed Seungri to devour him.

All thoughts of what could come, of Jiyong, the hurt, the drama, and anything that could follow, were obliterated by the sensation of Seungri kissing him, full of passion and fire.

For now, it was all he needed.

For now, it was enough.


End file.
